In my body, Ep. 4, Part 1, Alyssa Martin
In the end of January, 2022, I sat down (on zoom) with Alyssa Martin (she/her, age 30), a Certified Personal Trainer, Certified Corrective Exercise Specialist and Competitive Spartan Race Athlete.
While Alyssa and I have known of each other peripherally for over 10 years, we grew up in adjacent small towns, I formally reconnected with her in the summer of 2021 when she signed up for the (very first) session of the Moon Cycle Sanctuary’s Menstrual Cycle Foundations Course. I was able to hear pieces of her menstrual cycle story throughout the 8-week course, but I was excited to sit down with her for a more in depth, one on one conversation about it. I was especially excited for this interview after I learned about her work as a personal trainer and competitive professional athlete, as athletes’ level of awareness and attention to their bodies has always impressed me, and I knew Alyssa was no exception.
We started our interview the way every Moon Cycle Sanctuary class begins; with a thorough self check-in: body, heart, mind and spirit….
Rae Rose:
Body: In my body I feel…warm. I feel my lips are dry and my throat is…not scratchy, but, I can feel the vibrations from my voice. My feet feel pleasantly cool, in contrast to the rest of me which is quite hot. And, there’s a kind of pulsing, almost like my heart rate and pulse I can feel in my arm pits, and a tingling up the sides of my neck. A lightness in my chest.
Heart: In my heart I feel, excited, anxious, hmm maybe, curious, calm, and relief.
Mind: Hmmm, my mind feels present and slow, but also, there’s this little part of it up in the back that is distant and busy, and feels like I could bounce into it, but I feel more upfront right now.
Spirit: My spirit feels open and tender, grateful and connected.
Energy: I feel tired, like, kind of flat or empty, but not in a painful or unpleasant way. That’s pretty normal for me in this phase.
Day (and phase) of Menstrual Cycle: I’m on day 27 of my cycle, the late luteal phase
Alyssa:
Body: In my body I feel balanced, like symmetrical - that doesn’t happen very much- so that’s a good feeling. I feel like my fingertips are cold and the rest of me is hot. I also feel the tickle in my throat.
Heart: In my heart, I’m feeling, a sense of belonging in community, I'm feeling fulfilled, a general feeling of certainty.
Mind: In my mind I'm feeling…scattered! and focused, so I’m choosing what to focus on in that scatter. I’ve felt that all week; trying to keep all my scatter and picking what to focus on. And driven.
Spirit: In my soul I'm feeling grounded, but maybe more so in that floaty tethered way. Like, there’s a connection there, but maybe, my other rooms are so chaotic, I'm having trouble feeling the solid ground. I’m connected, but floaty.
Alyssa: So ya, I'm on day 37 and that means that generally, I feel pretty scattered. But also energetic - so long as I focus on the thing I want to focus on, then I stay energetic. But if I let the scatter overwhelm me, that's when the fatigue settles in. And that's something that your class taught me, actually, that I don’t have to be tired, I just have to choose where I'm putting my energy. That’s like the biggest thing I think I learned.
RR: I think that makes so much sense- the idea of letting those things (scattered mind) be messages we can work with, instead of things that define us..in that moment or beyond.
Alyssa: Ya exactly. Usually I'd feel this way, and let it overwhelm me. I’d be like- “Oh my god, I'm so tired I can’t handle this….”. My mental room is so chaotic at this time, and usually that would make the rest of my rooms feel too busy and I’d just give in. But now I recognize that if my mental room is busy, I just have to focus in and pick something, and then I can remain focused on what I want, and not be too tired.
RR: I feel like that is, like, the goal, and I feel like it's also where most people get stuck…whatever place it is for them, maybe emotional, maybe the mental room, it just goes crazy, and then we get lost in it and judge ourselves for it, and then everything spirals…
Alyssa: Ya, even going into this, actually, I was feeling a little bit daunted. I even told my husband that, “oh gosh, I’m going to give this my all, but yikes.” But actually, now that I’ve switched, and also I think the ‘4 line’ helps me switch, but now that I’m choosing to put my energy into it, I feel energized by it.
~~~
Q: Can you tell me about when you first got your period?
Alyssa: I don’t actually totally remember much! And I think that’s probably a good thing. I think that means it wasn’t too big of a deal, because it didn’t make an impact on my memory…So the only thing I remember is, it was the first time that track season started. Which means I’m pretty sure I was 17. I started very late. Hmm, ya, at least late 16, because there’s kind of a vacation there between school years when I didn’t have it, and I brought everything in case I did get it. And I remember over packing because I didn’t know what I needed!
So I know it was late 16 or 17, ya very late, and I remember starting track season, and asking someone, a friend, “um..what do you do?!” And so they taught me how to use a tampon, and that was so nice, and I also really clearly remember them telling me to never, ever pull out a dry tampon. And I thought that was soooo funny. But…that was good advice!! So shout-out to whoever said that!
Q: Do you remember feeling any particular way leading up to it?
Alyssa: I think I was only thinking about it in the context of when other people brought it up. Like, it wasn’t something on my radar, I wasn’t worried about it. But like, I remember being in a BIO class, and I remember the teacher going over something that would explain why you wouldn’t get your period forever, and I was like “ohhhh my god, I have this disease!” So there were moments where I thought, 'is it weird that i haven’t gotten it?!’, but I don’t remember ever dwelling on it. But ya, I didn’t really have my own thoughts on it…or like…it seemed convenient! I remember all my friends always complaining about it.
I do remember being proud, for being in the know finally, after it did happen. Because I remember, and someone must have shown me this, but I remember there was a cookie jar in the nurse's office at our high school. It had all the tampons in it, they had different types, so I eventually learned the better ones. And I remember when someone in the grade below me said, ‘I just started my period… I don't know what to do.’ And I was like ‘Let me show you the cookie jar!’ And I think I was just so excited to be that person for that person, and carry on that secret tip.
Alyssa competing in Spartan 2021.
Q: How would you describe your current relationship with your cycle?
Alyssa: Ya, I think before your class, I was in a similar state as I was in high school, actually. I just like, didn’t care, either way though. I definitely wasn’t thinking it was a stigma. I was pretty open about it; I tell people I'm on my period, I just don’t care who knows, and I’ve never let that be something that was like, a secret, by any means. And now, I think that I just have a better understanding of how it does affect me - positively and negatively- but even the negative can be kind of positive once you know what it is.
I think it's also less turbulent, there were definitely times where I just really hated my period. I can’t say those times don’t ever come up now, especially as an athlete… I have very, like, logistical reasons for hating my period sometimes, and different phases of it can be really frustrating. But, I think with the class, it's actually brought me to a mutual understanding, that’s what I like to call it now.
Ya, so…in sports and as an athlete (and I'm sure others may have a different opinion on this), I think it's really important that I don’t lose my period. That’s generally not a good sign. So I really prioritize my long term health; I'll never sacrifice athletic performance for long term health. So I do actually like having my period because it gives me insight into my overall health. It's a nice way to know that I'm fueling myself enough to maintain essential functions [i.e. menstrual cycle], and my body has enough energy to also do everything I’m demanding it to do. But then, there’s that other side, it can be very frustrating in different phases, if you have a race that's fast and you’re not in that right phase…
Q: In your opinion and experience as an athlete, what phase is “good” for what, and what phase is “bad” for what? - of course knowing that it’s not quite that simple…
Alyssa: So, like, with a 28 day cycle, that first half is better for the harder work: the speed work, high intensity stuff. For the second half of the cycle, it is actually better to be doing longer work at a slower pace, but you can also go a lot longer. Other minute details become relevant at a higher level.
Alternatively, I've actually started changing how I train to reflect that, and that’s been really interesting and actually quite beneficial. To just respect that energy shift; it doesn’t mean I don't have to do speed work, I just do a different type of speed work that’s more cohesive for the phase that I'm in, and that’s actually been really beneficial.
Q: What kind of changes do you notice?
Alyssa: I notice changes in my energy and performance. During the workout, it is just less terrible. So like, if I try to do some really fast speed work right before my period, before, I’d be like, ‘ohhhhh man… that was not good’, and I'd be very tired after. But even just switching to tempo instead of intervals, for example, that makes a difference. And I have more energy after. Which you should! You should feel more energy after training. Ya, before I was feeling like I’d done a race after training, which you shouldn’t feel like.
It took a couple months to find that groove.
Q: How about other areas of your life? Do you notice your cycle affecting anything else?
Alyssa: Ya! We were kind of talking about it in the beginning. I feel like that’s another thing your class did. It made me step away from the physical side so much and approach it from the different rooms. The room thing has been life changing for me. But honestly… recognizing there are these different “rooms” and that they affect each other so much. So, I’ve been ignoring my other rooms a lot less, and I’m also more aware of them and how they affect each other.
Especially the mental and emotional energy changes, and how that plays in with the physical, and vice versa, into the other rooms. Even the grounding, I think I didn’t relate to the spiritual room very much in the beginning. I just needed to find what it meant for me, and now I know how I'm feeling there, and it definitely makes sense with how I'm feeling overall, and how things are going in my life.
Ya I think that’s the other way the class has really helped me. That everything is changing (throughout the menstrual cycle), not just the typical things I’m thinking of. So like, in the class, some people would talk about how the emotional levels were changing and the energy levels. And it was interesting for me to leave that session and think about my version, and realize I do have that going on, but I just haven’t made it my focus. It really seemed like people had their favored room. And that’s been important for me, for making my rooms more equal, and that makes everything better.
And I mean, I was also pretty aware of my fluctuations before, too.
I was always proud of the fact that I would say- “I’m in a bad mood right now, just so you know.”
I thought that was a skill. That, even if I couldn’t fix the fact, I thought owning it, and telling the people around me about it.... I was always proud of that. But I feel like I have an even better way to do that now that I know actually what’s going on with my feelings, not just that I’m mad because I’m about to start my period.
Ya, there’s just more nuance to that now, it means a lot more. And I think it means a lot more to my partner now when I say - ‘hey i'm in a bad mood!’- I think it is more earnest, in a way. Because before I’d be, like, ‘I’m pmsing!’, and he’d probably think ‘well…my life is going to suck for a bit…’. And now it's like ‘I’m in a bad mood, but it's not how this has to be….and I’m going to think about it, and you can work on it with me, and see what there is to understand.’
Just being really open about it with my partner, it's been really great to go through this with a supportive partner. And I think it's been really nice to have a more supportive understanding. There’s more to the process now.
Q: How did you initially become aware of these cyclical effects?
Alyssa: Ironically, it was this joke, for all my prior race seasons. Because, I was on my period for literally every race I did. Like, it was insane how it would happen. Everytime! It was super ironic, and it's also ironic because I would go into it thinking it was a detriment. And, the funny thing is, with the type of the races I do, most often, it probably wasn’t! But then it probably was because of my attitude about it. And it's very interesting that technically that’s [the beginning of menstruation] a great time for shorter distances, but ya, my attitude was probably so bad about it that it was probably hindering me more.
RR: Yes- it's funny that, before we know there’s a whole cycle of fluctuating hormones, we just assume, -bleeding- that’s when you're out.
Alyssa: Yes. And don’t get me wrong, it can definitely feel exhausting. it's another thing to have to deal with. And it can be complicated- how to deal with it physically- with dirt and water etc. It always felt like another obstacle that I had to deal with. But it is very interesting, now I do not go into race weeks concerned that I ‘m on my period.
Q: I remember you talking in class about some intense cramps you’d experienced. Do you feel comfortable talking about that?
***Please note: Since the time this interview was conducted Alyssa continued to experience intense menstrual pain, among other symptoms. After a long journey of self and medical exploration, she was able to determine the cause of her problems and resolve them. Alyssa and I conducted a follow up interview in July 2024 where we discuss this part of her journey in depth. It is a beautiful story, and I am so grateful to have been even a little part of it. This new interview will release in podcast format on Oct. 1, ‘24 !
***Please remember that neither I, Moon Cycle Sanctuary, or Alyssa are providing any sort of medical advice. Please consult your medical team if you suspect you have a medical issue. It is always better to start the journey by ruling out any serious medical issues, before diving into a self-directed journey***
Alyssa: Yes- although, I'm concerned about speaking for any community when I'm no longer experiencing it. So I’ll say, I don’t have, and never had, a diagnosis for the pain. But I can speak to my experience.
So, in the past, I've had some, really painful periods. They’re really actually life stopping. I have to not work, I have to lay in bed. It was particularly bad when I also had IBS problems. And if I had the combo, it was a no-go day, nothing was going to happen.
Ya, I’m not sure what I changed to totally fix this. I kind of relate it to a couple things. And this is just what has worked for me, not medical advice.
But I started taking a very specific probiotic that was recommended by a doctor, and that really changed my IBS, so now that I don't have that pain, it's definitely helped the period side of it. The cramps and everything.
I also watched this video that was created by some well-educated people, in my sport, with master’s degrees. And they were talking about how to prepare around the cycle. They were suggesting you take magnesium, calcium and zinc supplements for the two weeks before your period starts, especially as an athlete, because you need those vitamins and minerals to build up your uterine lining… and so, you need more of that during the last 2 weeks of cycle. And you also sweat those out when working out, so people sweating are losing those and need more. So if you’re not supplementing you’ll lose them pretty quick. And there is research to back up that. It makes it less painful…
So, I do think that has really helped me.
RR: How long have you been doing these things?
Alyssa: I’ve been taking probiotics since early 2020. And things got better rapidly, actually. So I started reintroducing a lot of food, and now I'm literally eating totally fine.
I started taking the supplements in like, July 2021, and that’s been… that started working pretty quick as well. I remember the first month, and I was like ‘woah, don’t know if that was placebo and coincidence, but that was not a bad period’, and that kept happening… so long as I remembered to take them.
There’s so many components and moving pieces, but those couple things have really changed it. I really was careful though.. I had my blood levels checked, was recommended the correct supplements, have done pelvic floor exercises. So ya, everything is connected, it's pretty crazy.
RR: Anything you are working on with your cycle right now?
Alyssa: Not totally, but I think the biggest thing is journaling more. That’s something you revitalized in me. I’m not big on New Year’s Resolutions, but I believe in goals. I want to journal more, do the 4 line check in. It really does help refocus me. I would like to use it more if I’m having trouble focusing on what I want to do, and let that guide me, and see what room is most available. Um, I think that will help me know where to go with the energy I do have available.
RR: Do you read back on your journals?
Alyssa: I don’t actually. I like it for the moment. I was looking at some old ones and, it felt, like, intrusive for that moment. I don't know, that's just me. I liked leaving that moment where that was. It’s almost a spiritual thing. I live with no regrets, I think everyone makes the best decision they can, given the information they had at the time. Everyone is doing their best at every moment. You do your best. Journaling is more building that awareness moment to moment.
Ya, I think I often experience a really full mind, and have that trouble deciding what to focus on, and I think the journaling has been really useful for settling down to decide what to focus on. Even if that’s self care! That’s a big step!
