In My body, Ep. 1, Raina Pope

Hi everyone ~ thank you for being here and welcome back to “The Menstrual Cycle, In My Body”! I am kicking off the series with a few throw-back interviews from a couple years ago, because they are just too good to not be revived.

This first installment in the new series is from my conversation with Raina Pope (she/her, 29) from the Summer of 2022. Raina is a manager at The Altamont, and longtime resident and community member in beautiful west Sonoma County. I had the most wonderful time talking with Raina, and re-reading our interview these two years later was equally inspiring and heartwarming. The interview covers everything from dramatic first period experiences to fitting in, and not, with our mentors, from reframing (and reclaiming) cyclical moods, to the whims of fertility and timing, and so much more.

Anyone who knows Raina agrees she is a deeply kind, self-aware, and grounded individual who brings her authentic and passionate self to each interaction, be it with close friends or just a passing interaction with a customer at the restaurant. On top of that, she is deeply in tune with herself, mind, body, heart and soul, and has so much to offer to the menstruating community through her honest reflection and self-awareness.

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and wisdom Raina, and thank you to everyone for reading and supporting this project and mission to create more awareness, inclusivity and community for menstruators.

If you connect with something in this interview, please leave us a comment letting us know! I hope you enjoy!

As always, the interview began with a 4-line feeling check:

Rae Rose:

• Body- I feel my sit bones on my chair. I feel… my hands are warm. I feel a scratch in my throat, I feel a lightness in my chest. I can feel that my brow is furrowed. There’s some tightness in my shoulders. I feel aware of my heartbeat and some energy right there too.

• Heart- the emotional feelings, I’m feeling excited and curious and open, and also, longing.

• Mind- so for the mind, it describes the quality of your thoughts, not necessarily what you’re thinking about. I feel pretty present. There’s a part of me that's thinking in the future. My mind feels pretty, um, not too much bumping around. Not slow. Overall clear and present.

• Spirit- My spirit… in my spirit I feel connected to the west coast land/environment. There’s also a quality of unsettledness, I’m not quite sure…not quite ungrounded, but something kind of unsettled. A lack of clarity. But I think I feel pretty open.
  
  Raina:

• Body- I feel light, definitely rubbing my legs, and feeling the sensation in my hands. I feel, smooth, and warm.

• Heart- My heart is beating fast, but, in my heart I feel…really open, and wanting to share, and empathize. Um, my heart’s feeling really full, but also like it's working really hard.

• Mind- My mind is, honestly, I’m feeling rage. Um, going back and forth… past, present, and future. Kind of toggling all of those. But I feel like I'm definitely motivated and enraged, accompanied with empathy.

• Spirit- my spirit, um, is feeling, hopeful, and determined. And also tired.

  Q: What is the story of when you first got your period?
  
  Raina: I have so many memories.
  
  Um, my period was, uh, having a period was widely talked about in my family. I grew up with all women. My mom, my sister and my grandmother all got their period at 13. And, you know, my mom died when I was about to turn ten. And so, she wasn’t around when I got my period. But, because it was something that was so talked about, ‘It happened at 13,’ I was really afraid when it happened at 11… to tell anybody.

  And, I don’t remember the whole day…but I rode the bus home from school, and I was wearing these light blue capris, jean capris. And I always sat near the back of the bus, and you know, I had to get off the bus, walk down the stairs, and walk across the street. And I really had to pee, I had to pee so bad. And so, I went to the bathroom, and I pulled my pants down and the entire butt was just bright red. And I was like, ‘How many people saw me get off the bus like this?!’. And, you know, I was 11, so in my head I thought, ‘I’m not supposed to get my period right now, no other woman in my life has gotten their period this early!’.

  And I felt like…. well, I do want to note that all the women that I grew up with are white, and I’m not. So, I already felt a kind of difference. And so I think that really added to how I felt. That feeling that I'm not doing anything correctly. And I wanted to relate to these women, who love me so much, but nothing is the same...these big picture things …nothing’s the same. And um, so I didn't tell anybody. And, I had a woman who was black in my life, who was my neighbor. And I told her. Like, two days later.

  
  And at that moment I didn’t do anything. I just, like, shoved toilet paper in my underwear and was like ‘What’s going onnnn?!’ I knew what a period was, but you know, I didn’t have the tools, and so I told her.
  And I remember I did feel kind of betrayed because she did tell the other women in my family. But I think, ultimately…it was needed. But we did a moon ceremony. I was really embarrassed. And everyone knew.
  
  And then, the first period I got after that. I was wearing these sweatpants at school and I also bled through it, because I wasn't anticipating it…because…my mind and body didn’t know…and I remember tying my sweatshirt around my pants, and walking around with dried blood on my pants like, all day.
  
  So, that was my first period experience.

  Q : How would you describe your relationship with your cycle now?
  
  Raina: Oh. Now…is different than it's ever been before.
  
  From the start I was really into understanding my mood cycles. Trying to understand my cycles, because I couldn't always get that right. I noticed, once I started growing breasts, that I would feel tender, and that was always an indicator for me.
  
  And my PMS was very strong. My experience [right before menstruating] is I get more convicted in my thoughts, more righteous. And I really want to use positive words here because a lot of people use language like irritable and emotional and blah blah blah. But the feelings that are happening in my body when I’m about to start my cycle are always feelings and thoughts that I have, I just become more convicted in them.
  And I also set better boundaries for myself.
  
  Now I’ll be like, ‘No, I’m not going to deal with that today.’ Whereas before when I was near the end of my cycle I would just be like, ‘You know whatever, I’ll just save it for another day.’ Pick my battles, in a different way. So that’s always been very prominent
  

  Q: Does it feel like, if you think about other areas in life, there are areas where you feel especially aware of your cycle? In work, relationships, health etc.
  
  Raina: It's so funny because I know the filter of my moods are happening. I know it. But there’s still a part of me that’s like… ‘Noo! Nooo! This is the only reality!’.
  
  It's funny because I started bleeding this morning. And all weekend when I was working I was like… ‘Man I have to do this and this…!” All things I usually do, and do not care about. And ya, my mood was very prominent. And so ya, yes, I notice it at work, a lot.
  
  And, I do notice it in my relationships. It's interesting because with my friends, or even my sister, I’ve curated this ability to create boundaries….where I can say… ‘I don’t care right now…’. Like, I’ve created this relationship where I know she understands. But, with new relationships, or romantic relationships…I don’t know if it's because I date men or its the society that we live, but I just get frustrated. Ya, it's harder for me to keep my cool in romantic relationships.
  
  And I think there’s a part of it that…I’m sharing my body with you, and the fact that you can’t understand my body and what’s happening right now and you’re willing to say something that’s really really annoying…or like, unagreeable, then I get frustrated. Soooo, ya I do notice it.

  Q: Ok so you talked about how you came off birth control when you were 26, what was that like?
  
  Raina: So… I got my IUD when I was 15 or 16, and then it fell out. Well, I pulled it out with a dry tampon. Which was not painful, which a lot of people assume. But for me it came out. And, I had scheduled to get it put back in a month later, and I got pregnant in between that time. So this was when I was 19. And I had a miscarriage. And I wasn’t planning on keeping it, I was planning on getting an abortion, but I miscarried anyways.
  
  And so I got it put back in, and then, I got it taken out when I was 26. I was like, ‘What does my body feel like when I don't have an IUD?’ Even though it's not hormonal or anything. And, um, (laughter), I got pregnant a month later. I was like ‘Wow! I’m fertile!!’
  
  And I, um, got an abortion. Which was a really good choice for me. I take care of my grandma and I work full time. I’m just not prepared to have a baby. And, I went to planned parenthood, and um, overall it was like a really….it was a sad experience. The first time I had gotten pregnant, I didn’t care in the same way. I was like ‘No. I’m just starting my 20s; I just know I don’t want a baby.’ But when I was 26 I was like ‘Huh…a baby.’ You know…it was a more difficult decision ...or, it wasn’t a difficult decision, but it was a difficult reality. Because I knew what I wanted to do.
  
  But ya, I went in, and Planned Parenthood made it super easy. They were really kind to me, and empathetic and sweet. But, it was painful. Which I feel like is not talked about. They actually… I paid to take a pain killer because they offered it. And I was like ‘If you’re offering a pain killer it's probably painful.’ And even on the painkiller, it was, very very, excruciating. Um. Ya. It was not a fun feeling.

  
  Um, ya, and then after that I didn’t have my period until a few months later. And that was also kind of worrisome, too. Because you bleed after having an aboriton. And so I was like, ‘Is this just spotting? Is it a period?’

  Ya, that was an anxious time. And ya, my mindset was so so different.

  Q: Have you noticed any changes in your cycle throughout these different phases?

  Raina: Right before I had gotten pregnant it had actually become less regular. Which was something that had never happened and something I was noting. Ya, my cycles became much longer, more in the “abnormal” range. Which, I don't even really know if that’s a thing, because obviously some studies aren’t very proper. But ya, they became less normal, less regular. But since then, after the whole thing, it’s pretty much right on target. Ya, it's back to what it used to be. 

Question: Do you have any cycle related, hopes, intentions, goals for your future?

Raina: I mean, if I'm being honest, leading up to my bleed, I get anxious, and my goal is to bleed. And during my bleed, there are some times where I'm like ‘Aww, ohh, I'm not pregnant.’ Because that’s definitely something I would want, I would just want to be prepared for it.

And then, um…it's so interesting…because as I was saying before about how my inhibitions and communications change when I'm in the middle of my cycle. There are times when, I don't want to use the word rectify, but after, or during, my pre-menstrual phase I want to really communicate, and make sure that everything I've said is understood. And not meant with, like, frustrated intention. And, so, I get much more communicative.

Rae Rose: I think it's so cool you’ve developed that relationship with your cycle and relationships. That you’re aware there are more boundaries needed and more feelings, and you choose to communicate with the people in your life. 

Raina: Sometimes, like I said, I feel guilty, and there are times where I'm like, ‘Oh did I just lash out and I'm trying to pick up the pieces?’ Because that has happened in the relationships I have, and I think it's clear what's happening so I do sometimes feel guilty. But, there’s just more communication needed. More making sure that everyone's understood. That’s really what it is, I'm just more in my head about it. 

And, to be clear, when I say I feel guilty, it's not like a looming guilt that’s in my body always. It's more like a, ‘Maybe you just don’t understand.’ You know, I don't lay around thinking ‘Oh shoot I did this and I said that!’ 

But I think, also, growing up in our society as a woman, you know, I didn’t grow up in that kind of household, but I’ve internalized what society expects from women. And so when I assert myself in a different way that’s less polite or more forward, um, I think about it. That thought and awareness happens in my head. Even though I'm just being a normal…I'm just being a human. 

Question: If you could imagine a world with the opportunity for your ideal relationship with your menstrual cycle, what would that look like?

Raina: Oh that’s such a fun question! Um, I think, in my menstrual cycle utopia, it would be more celebrated. 

I’ve seen recently, you know, people having period parties, which seems really cool. But I also know, as someone who was like ‘Don’t talk about what’s happening in my body,’ it seems really anxious too. So really my ideal is it would just be…just like how we learn how eating makes you grow, you know, this is what happens in people's bodies. It would just be so normalized and understood. 

So that no one feels anxious, but also so no one feels obligated to talk about it. 

Ya, I would just want the biology to be taught to everybody, and it just being completely…understood. You know, celebrated is an interesting word, because I think it should be celebrated, but also I’m coming from a society where its not…and if it was just normalized then…it wouldn't have to be celebrated…

Ya, I just want everyone to be comfortable, and, in their body. And checking in with their body and how it feels and having people to talk to if they want. And not being ashamed…even though shame is a valid feeling and people do feel that. But, not just for bleeding. Not just for …existing. 

I’m also thinking about how important it is to have like group settings, where, even if you don’t want to talk about it, just listening. And also for people who don’t have menstrual cycles too. How important that is to just sit down, and talk, not bottle it up.